Haruhi Trekker
by The Flying Lion
Summary: On an observatory mission the crew of Haruhi Suzumiya's SOS Brigade engages in a plan to save a planet from being wiped out. But with a Captain like Haruhi things are bound to go wrong. *Haruhi Suzumiya/Star Trek Into Darkness Parody*


**FlyingLion:**

**So this in a way takes place in the same universe as my other "Haruhi-Star Trek" Parody **_**Haruhi Suzumiya Into Darkness**_ **which in itself is a parody of the computer game the SOS Brigade plays against the Computer Club. So yeah expect silliness and whatnot.**

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**DISCLAIM3R: I do not own **_**The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya **_**or **_**Star Trek Into Darkness**_**.**

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_Class M Planet: Nibiru _

It was supposed to be just a simple observatory operation. Observe the planets inhabitants, report any unusual findings back to HQ, do not go on the surface of said planet thus revealing ourselves to the indigenous population, return home.

Of course had you been one Miss Captain Haruhi Suzumiya, you'd know that this would not be the case.

Such as which why said captain of the federation's fastest/most developed ship in the fleet was currently jogging through the extraterrestrial red woodland. Wielding a scroll and dressed in blue robes not only to protect from the planets arid environment but also to conceal her identity, Haruhi ran as fast as she could through the trees to escape her many pursuers.

That being most of the native inhabitants of Nibiru. Angered, spear wielding inhabitants which numbered in the hundreds to near thousands.

'_If I can just get to the rendezvous point I'm in the clear!' _

As she leaped over a branch Haruhi stopped as a large hulking behemoth of a creature appeared before her. The extraterrestrial beast let out an alien roar standing up on it's hind legs. Though it was already much taller than Haruhi it now towered much higher than the human space captain casting a shadow over her.

Haruhi quickly drew out her plasma blaster firing a stun round at the beast's chest. It roared again falling backwards with a loud thud. Then from behind said behemoth revealed another robed figure like Haruhi who removed their hood revealing the face of a young human man.

"Aw, damn it Haruhi! You stunned our ride!"

"W-What? That was our ride Kyon!?"

Before the duo could continue their banter the call of the Nibiruans signaled their attention. They both glanced back before taking off to get away from their pursuers. The Nibiruans continued to launch spears and stones at the two extraterrestrials to their homeworld.

"I hate this!" Kyon yelled out barely dodging a spear.

"Oh suck it up Kyon!" Haruhi pulled out her tricorder while still running. "Itsuki, I've got the natives out of the kill zone!"

On the other end of the tricorder a clear masculine voice spoke. "_Good job Captain. We're on our way to the volcano as we speak_."

"_Um... Captain Suzumiya how did you get them out of the temple_?" the soft feminine voice of Mikuru Asahina asked from the tricorder.

"I just ran in and took this scroll. They were all bowing to it like it was really important or something."

"What the hell captain!? Don't you have any respect for other cultures!?" Kyon yelled out. Haruhi pouted.

"Hey I respect other cultures just fine! We just need them right here to be safe!" as Haruhi said this she dropped the scroll onto a nearby branch unfolding it before the Nibiruans who stopped the pursuit.

Meanwhile miles away Engineer Itsuki Koizumi, Helmsman Taniguchi, and communications officer Mikuru Asahina were aboard a shuttle just above the large volcano north of the Nibiruans three were carrying a cooling core ready to be dropping into the center of the volcano. It being ready to erupt and annihilate the populace of the planet the crew's under the SOS Brigade would do it's best to prevent it.

"A-Are you alright in the suit?" Mikuru asked Koizumi who were a specialized their thermonuclear suit.

"Yes. Thank you miss Asahina." Koizumi responded respectfully.

"Alright guys we're nearing the drop zone. Miss Asahina please get back in your seat while Koizumi drops down." Taniguchi spoke from the pilots chair.

Mikuru gave a wink to Koizumi before strapping herself down next to Taniguchi. Koizumi stood back as a divider set down between him and his comrades while grabbing the cooling device stored in a case. Taniguchi readied the drop lever as he and Mikuru glanced back. The helmsman pulled it dropping Koizumi who hung from a safety cable down into the deadly inferno.

Koizumi hunt from the cable as he made his descent deeper into the volcano. He could spot the formation of molten rock where he was supposed to drop down. If things went as smoothly as planned Koizumi would set up the device and rise back up into the shuttle before heading back to the _Brigade_.

But suddenly as Koizumi rushed in the drop a tower of rising lava exploded from the surface nearly striking the Science Officer. It missed him but struck the side of the shuttle causing the back to explode. It shook the shuttle and Koizumi with it causing the support cable he held onto to snap. With the device Koizumi dropped several feet below.

"Damn it! The Cable's cut! Koizumi can you read me!? Taniguchi yelled from his seat.

Hearing the helmsman from his communicator, Koizumi blinked feeling the rough molten rock beneath him. He stood shakily spotting the device across from him. He was standing on a rocky island in the middle of the lava of the fiery furnace.

"I am... surprisingly unharmed. As is the device."

Mikuru let out a sigh of relief as she made to signal. "Itsuki thank goodness you're all right."

"Damn it the back engine's been shot! We gotta get back to the Brigade before getting Koizumi." Taniguchi noted looking at the warning signals of his monitor.

"Itsuki we're heading back to the ship but w-we're coming back for you!"

Taniguchi steered the shuttle away out of the cloud of the volcano and back over to the sea outside. However the warning monitor then read a new message: low fuel. Of course probably a result of the explosion Taniguchi never the less swore loudly as he stepped back before glancing at Mikuru.

"Miss Asahina the shuttle's going down. We have to abandon it over the water."

"W-what!?" Mikuru shirked.

Taniguchi put the shuttle on autopilot before stepping out and removing his suit revealing a skin tight 'wetsuit' of sorts. Mikuru likewise quickly adjusted to her own wetsuit following Taniguchi over as the shuttle got close to the ocean. They were ready to swim and leap out to get to their ship the old fashioned way.

Back on the ground Kyon and Haruhi kept on running with most of the Nibiruans giving up the hunt. Though still some pursued in order to eliminate the blasphemous duo. It was then in a moment Kyon realized the path he and Haruhi were running on was not the same way as they'd arrived. Of course it didn't take Kyon long to put two and two together as the salty smell of the ocean wafted in his senses.

"Haruhi are we-"

"Kyon get ready to swim!" Haruhi yelled out excitedly removing her robes off of her uniform. Kyon swore as the two ran over and leaped off of the edge of the cliffside.

The Nibiruans stopped when both Haruhi and Kyon plummeted to the ocean below. While they both swam down through the sea they were also joined mid way by Mikuru and Taniguchi swimming close by. The four continued on through the quiet cool of the sea before making it round and near a large magnificent hunk of metal.

The _SOS Brigade_ sat proudly at the bottom of the Nibiruan sea surrounded by many alien aquatic life illuminated by the spotlights. At the side of the ship's hull was written the vessles serial number and name. Though humorously above it was painted in durable colors an image of the face of Captain Haruhi Suzumiya . The four crew members continued swimming past this arriving at a port hole at the bottom of the ship making their way in.

Within now the four held on as water was drained through a specialized room. Now soaking they removed breathing devices they'd hastily put on before exiting. However standing before them in the hall was Head Science Officer Yuki Nagato, cool and collected as always.

"Captain are you aware that the ship was not originally designed to withstand this water pressure? We've been down here since last night."

"Yuki! Where's Koizumi!?" Haruhi asked loudly ignoring the humanoid interfaces statement.

Had Nagato been human she probably would have nervously blinked or back away at the forwardness of her Captain. But Nagato, ever still the learning alien android built to observe humans, answered robotically.

"Itsuki Koizumi is still inside the bottom of the volcano Captain. He is still alive by our readings."

Haruhi swore loudly before running off back to the elevator to get to the bridge. Kyon, Mikuru, Taniguchi, and Nagato followed after their captain ready to get a handle on what was going on.

Once Haruhi Suzumiya stepped through the Bridge Kunikida quickly exclaimed the arrival of the captain while the rest four ran in behind Haruhi. She quickly shouted out orders to get a hold of Koizumi while Taniguchi sat back at the helm next to Kunikida and Mikuru, Kyon, and Nagato joined Haruhi at the front. This was when suddenly the Chief Medical Officer Tsuruya jumped behind the four waving a tricorder around them.

"Hey guys! You skipped my examination!"

"Tsuruya shouldn't you be in the medical bay?" Kyon asked before the doctor checked Mikuru and Haruhi over.

"I still don't know if you picked up anything from the planet. It's standard protocol nyoro."

Haruhi however tuned out the doctor and Kyon as the monitor made connection with Koizumi. Kunikida and Taniguchi adjusted communications while the captain stood straight.

"Itsuki how are you doing?"

"...*static*I have enabled the device *static* and we should *static*for setup."

Haruhi and Mikuru breathed a sigh of relief while the Captain responded. "Alright Itsuki, just stay put and we'll come and get you."

"No captain. You will risk exposing yourself to the native inhabitants of the planet."

Haruhi glanced at Kunikida. "Is there any way to get Itsuki back with the transporter?"

"Maybe... if we had a direct line of sight."

"Captain we would have to be above the volcano to recover Koizumi. I cannot guarantee our survival if the volcano erupts." Yuki Nagato informed robotically.

"The smoke cloud was able to conceal the shuttle but the Brigade is too large-you would expose ourselves to the native inhabitants who have yet to reach our level of technology." Koizumi responded through the communicator. Haruhi slammed her fists down onto the helm.

"Itsuki we're talking about your LIFE!"

"The prime *static* directive cannot *static*be-" Koizumi was cut off.

Mikuru gasped holding her hands to her mouth. The rest of the bridge crew were silent while Haruhi whirled around.

"Mikuru get back on line!"

The communications officer nodded running over to her station quickly adjusting the comms and whatnot. Kyon glanced at Haruhi who looked down to the monitor. She was steadying her breath but he could tell even Haruhi was worried.

Within the volcano, after setting up the device right, Itsuki Koizumi glanced around cautiously as the lava would rise up and around him. He held his breath as another wall of lava rose up into the air just above him.

Within the heart of the inferno Koizumi knew where his ultimate fate would lie. He closed his eyes as the timer on the cooling device counted down. Slowly the young esper would accept his ultimate demise.

But then out from the ocean floor with a great thunderous rumble and roar rose up a large gigantic beast. The Nibiruans, whom had been scurrying away from the eruption of the volcano, glanced over the edge of the cliffs and out to the sea. They watched as the massive mass of machine emerged. It then fully appeared rising to the sky like nothing they or any of their civilization had ever seen before.

On the Bridge of the SOS _Brigade _Captain Haruhi Suzumiya stood arms crossed while Taniguchi and Kunikida directed the ship upwards. Kyon, Mikuru, Nagato, and Tsuruya all watched from their places as the ship loomed above. The Nibiruans were not sure how to react but gaze in awe at the Brigade.

The ship zoomed quickly above the surface while the Nibiruans watched stunned. What many had noticed immediately though was the image of Haruhi Suzumiya painted on the hull.

Within the volcano Koizumi's body began to glow in a bright white light. The science officer was confused momentarily until he suddenly vanished. The device then set off as the volcano fully erupted.

The cooling device managed to spread a wave of cool energy through the magma in a great cataclysmic scene while out in the open the SOS Brigade loomed past the volcano and back into the sky.

In the transporter room Haruhi, Kyon, and Tsuruya jogged in as bright light appeared revealing the semi scorched but baffled Itsuki Koizumi.

"Itsuki, you're alive!"

"Captain... what did you-" Koizumi spoke quietly while Tsuruya quickly scanned him over.

"Oh man. I'm glad you're okay." Kyon said patting Koizumi's shoulder.

"I advised you to leave me behind Captain. You risked revealing our very presence to the indigenous population."

"Oh come on Itsuki, what's the worst that could happen?" Haruhi assured Koizumi..

"_C-Captain, is Science Officer I-uh I mean K-Koizumi alright?_" the soft voice of Mikuru spoke on the ship speakers.

"Yeah. He's fine Miss Asahina. No need to worry." Kyon responded for Haruhi.

Mikuru let out a sigh of relief at Kyon's reassurance. On the Bridge Taniguchi and Kunikida let out sighs of relief while Nagato merely blinked at her station.

It would seem this rousing adventure would come to a pleasant safe close.

But however...

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_Earth_

"You disobeyed orders, acted on your own impulses, and broke one of the Federation's most sacred rules! What do you have to say for yourself Captain?"

Haruhi Suzumiya pouted while behind her the senior officers of the SOS Brigade stood suitly behind her. Of course they all maintained a level of professional air about them but that didn't mean they each inwardly were scared as little girls.

In particular First Officer Kyon felt his hand shaking while Taniguchi's lip quivered as he tried to hold himself together. Mikuru Asahina-poor, sweet little Mikuru-was trembling quite much while next to her Yuki Nagato remained collected as always.

Crossing his desk to stand in front of Haruhi, Admiral Shamisen frowned as his feline whiskers twitched. It took all the senior officers will to not laugh or giggle at how adorable their cat Admiral could look. But Shamisen was still not pleased and awaiting his answer.

"Well... sir, we were observing Nibiru like you said-"

"Admiral Shamisen it was my doing! My choice alone to go into the volcano, sir." Koizumi interjected. Shamisen glanced at the science officer who visibly stiffened at the cat's stare.

"You're mission was to simply observe the planet and you exposed yourselves to a civilization that barely invented the wheel to technology they cannot even comprehend!"

"We had taken precautions to not reveal ourselves Admiral, but with slight error sabotaged our mission." Yuki Nagato spoke robotically unfazed by the Admiral's stern gaze.

'Way to help Nagato.' Kyon thought still holding a poker face.

"Sir to be fair, I couldn't just stand by and let the Nibiruans be destroyed. That's why we went in to help them."

"But you broke prime directive! Now the Nibiruans are worshiping you like a god Suzumiya!"

Haruhi and the senior officers glanced in confusion while Shamisen pulled up a large monitor screen. On it appeared the image of the planet face of Nibiru seen from aerial view. Scanning over as the Nibiruans all gathered about. What they surrounded however caused each senior member of the SOS Brigade to gasp.

On the ground drawn in the red sands of Nibiru was clearly a humanoid image. But seeing it large at the front like this it was clear that it was a human face-a woman's face. One that was showing off a playful smile.

It was Haruhi Suzumiya.

For whatever strange reason Haruhi broke out into a hysterical laughter.

Admiral Shamisen was not pleased.

"Do you realize what your actions have caused!?"

"Oh this is so awesome!" Haruhi hollered holding her sides.

'Haruhi are you really that insane?' Kyon thought frowning.

'She really does have a god complex.' Koizumi smirked.

"Haruhi Suzumiya this is not a joke!" Shamisen yelled out on deaf ears.

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**FlyingLion:**

**This pretty much came about with the joke of Haruhi being mistaken for god being similar to her status in the actual anime. Because a similar thing happens in **_**Star Trek Into Darkness **_**and that I'd done a Haruhi/Trek parody before I thought it'd be fun to adapt.**

**I'm not sure what compelled me to make Shamisen the Admiral. In my head-or as you probably figured out reading-each character in the Brigade and other friends fulfill roles of members of the **_**Enterprise.**_ **But there was no one to fill the role of Admiral Pike and then Shamisen kind of came to mind. And yeah it kinda makes sense being an alien cat leader of a space organization.**

**Leave a review to let me know what you thought and check out my other fics if you like.**


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